Oh, too bad. It appears that a giant wedding cake has fallen on top of a no-good, cheating husband!
Let’s say you are 63 years old and have been married to your husband for 42 years, since you were 21. And let’s say you found out he has been cheating on you — with a woman he also had an affair with 30 years ago! What would you do?
If you are estate attorney Anne McKinney, you get a divorce, keep the house and your ex-husband’s very favorite guns from his sizable collection (just to make a point!) and you throw yourself a massively fun divorce party — complete with song and dance numbers centered around the lout in question!
Oh, and you auction off your wedding dress, wedding crystal and china and give the money to charity!
That, friends, was the occasion last night at Southern Depot for Anne McKinney’s “Brave Heart Party.”
“Welcome, everyone, to my Brave Heart Party, where we’ll be celebrating my new life and my new, brave heart after the end of my 43-year marriage,” Anne said at the start of the festivities. “The last 5-1/2 months have been the hardest of my life.
Anne
“But the love and support of family and friends have kept me strong and helped me make my heart brave for the future. I’ve found some wonderful blessings in this awful experience. And that’s what we’re here to celebrate tonight.”
The girl’s got guts! The party was on what would have been her 43rd wedding anniversary. The judge signed the final divorce decree the day before.
“I stand before you happier than I’ve been in years,” she announced. “We are celebrating the removal of the large unsightly growth known as my ex-husband.”
If you don’t know Anne as an attorney, you may know her from the annual Front Page Follies Show, the gridiron-type program put on by local journalists and friends that spoofs politicians and other notables with parody songs. Not only does Anne perform in the show each year, she helps write many of the numbers. She did much the same thing with her program last night.
You kind of got an idea of the tone of the evening when she referred to her ex as a “lying, cheating rat bastard.” But, just to drive the message home, the opening number, “You Cheating Fart,” to the tune of the Hank Williams classic, “Your Cheating Heart,” left no room for doubt that this would be an over-the-top romp at the rat bastard’s expense.
There were 200 people there. After every few numbers we were asked to raise our glasses in a toast. Instead of saying, "Cheers!" we said, "Freedom!"
There were philosophical moments mixed in as well. Like when she discussed “the blessing of learning the truth.”
“Even the toughest truth is better than the prettiest lie,” she noted.
I loved the song she wrote to the tune of “My Favorite Things.” It was renamed “His Favorite Guns.” She introduced that segment by saying, “It’s a good thing I found out about the affair when I was 63 and there is still time to make a life. If I’d been 83, I’d have had to shoot him!”
Anne, left, with Nick Cazana and Kay Clayton
According to Anne, this whole process has been cathartic. Not only has she lost 34 pounds, but she has reconnected with old friends and been drawn closer to her sisters and brother as well as her son. “Songwriting is cheaper than therapy,” she advised.
To the tune of "Happy Trails to You," we now had "Happy trails, you two; Let's never meet again!"
Anne's siblings, from left, Leila Lott, George Zenni and Liza Zenni. She said they literally came to her rescue and took care of her during this ordeal. A spike in her blood pressure caused her to have to be hospitalized.
Carol Zinavage, the Knoxville Symphony's principal pianist, played keyboards for Anne's performance and Emily Schoen sang backup and performed during breaks. I particularly loved her rendition of "Cry Me a River."
Anne's sister, Liza Zenni, was 12 years old when Anne got married. She didn't like the groom-to-be. "I bit him on his wedding day!" she related. He unwisely tried to put his arm around her, apparently.
Mickey Mallonee, in back, and Ellen Adcock
P Smith, left, and Carolyn Neil
From left, Jenny Hines, Annette Winston and Alan Carmichael
Anne's friend Helen Johnson, a retired professional singer, did a great version of "Crazy."
From left, Phyllis and Kim Williams, David and Susan Lauver. Kim Williams, a well-known songwriter, came with his wife from Nashville for the occasion. He helped Anne with some of the songs.
From left, Ann and Dick Goldstine and Margaret Fuller Sadler
Anne's neigbor Blenza Davis walked to Anne's house every day after she heard the news. She kept coming until she caught Anne at home "because she wanted to give me a hug," Anne said.
Anne's sister Leila with husband, George Lott
The wedding dress was lovely. Proceeds from the silent auction were divided between Horse Haven, Leila's favorite charity, and the Arts and Cultural Alliance, Liza's fave.
The wedding china, also sold in a silent auction, was a Lenox pattern.
I think I would have been tempted to smash it. But this was so much more civilized.
In addition to the wedding cake on top of the bad husband at the beginning of this blog, there was a "Freedom" cake.
"What did Texas do?" I asked. It was the scene of some of the transgressions, I was informed.
From left, Kay Clayton, Amy Williams, Janna Hubbs and Jenny Hines
Anne chats with Jim Ensor.
“Living well is the best revenge, as they say,” Anne noted. “And I intend to live very well!” We think she is off to a good start!
Anne – What a great party. So sorry I had to miss. Out of town. You may have started something for future divorcees Will call you soon. Fay
I’ve always known Anne to be a class act and this proves it even more. Anne did programs for the Auxiliary at Baptist Hospital (boo hiss, the good ole days are gone). Congrats to getting rid of the cheating rat!!!!
Fay: It was one of the best parties I’ve been to in a long time! You would have loved it. Anne has so much courage to find what good she can in the whole horrible experience, make a joke of it and move on. I adore her.
Jeann: I would have loved to see those programs at Baptist!
It was a fun evening, celebrating freedom. The musical ensemble of Anne, Carol and Emily was fantastic. It was an evening of “somebody done somebody wrong songs.” The red velvet wedding cake was delicious, and I got to meet Kim Williams, famous for his songs for Garth Brooks.
Yes, Alan, it’s always a thrill to see Kim. I thought it was particularly noteworthy on this occasion that one of his songs for Garth is “Mama’s in the Graveyard and Papa’s in the Pen” about a truck driver who killed his cheating wife.
What a stupendous party! A once in a lifetime opportunity! Illness and distance robbed me of this. How odd for me to say, but how truly lucky you are my girl. More blessings to be found. Its the platinum lining.
the lyrics should be published or made available for purchase so the rest of us non-creative “brave hearts” have something to send to our heels 😉
Gale: I think it is great that Anne is showing us in real time the lessons that can be learned during times of adversity.
Xan: Anne said she is going to put some of the songs on YouTube. The whole evening was videotaped.
She looked, sang, and kicked butt like a million bucks!! I was honored to be a part of such a fabulous event.
Thanks for this report. I was out of town but had heard before I left there would be a celebration. Sorry I missed it.
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