I think all of us want to know the secret to a long and successful marriage. A few weeks ago, Alan and I attended a small 40th anniversary dinner for a very special couple and we picked up a few tips.
Dawn and Richard Ford met in Germany in 1968. He was a U.S. soldier. She was working in a recreational facility, arranging entertainment for the enlisted men. They were both in their early twenties. She immediately thought he was cute. Someone who didn’t know them might have thought they had little in common.
Richard and Dawn Ford leaving on their honeymoon June 1, 1969
Dawn had been raised in the Washington, D.C., area, the oldest of two daughters of a well-to-do telephone company executive. Richard was one of nine children of a local Kentucky union official of modest means. Dawn’s family was sophisticated and urbane. Richard’s was down-to-earth and very conservative.
But the two were away from their families. They discovered a strong bond based on similar value systems. “I was attracted to her from the beginning. But as we got to know each other, we realized how similar we were in terms of our philosophies of life. We both live our lives as we think we should; we are not concerned with what others think,” Richard says.
“Forty years ago, I met this cute fellow and something told me he would be a good family man – he would be a devoted husband and a great father,” Dawn recalls.
Richard and Dawn Ford now
When they told their families about each other, Dawn says, “The parents on both sides didn’t think it was a good idea.” Memorably, Richard’s mother saw a picture of Dawn’s cute blond bob hairstyle and sniffed, “If God had intended for her hair to be that color, he would have made it that way.”
Undeterred, they married June 1, 1969.
Forty years have passed. They’ve lived in Kentucky and Tennessee. Each has had several jobs, one sometimes giving up an opportunity to allow the other to take advantage of one. Their son is 36 with a wife and daughter of his own. And Dawn and Richard are still one of the happiest couples around. Here are insights from them and those close to them on the subject:
- “We have each been a shelter to the other,” says Richard. “We respect each other and think of the other person first.”
- “People always think they can change someone. But you can’t mold someone. You should not be looking for a clone, but looking for a partner,” Richard says.
- “We have similarities in our beliefs about politics, home, relationships and basic philosophies of life,” Richard says. “We mesh so well that we don’t have to have sit-down meetings to discuss things. We know what the other will and will not accept.”
- “They see eye-to-eye on major issues,” says their son, Christopher Ford. “They totally support one another.”
- “They both have generous hearts,” says Dawn’s sister, Stephanie Schell. “They have a love for people and a love for each other. They are truly committed.”
- “After 40 years, they still hold hands,” adds John Schell, Dawn’s brother-in-law.
- “Richard has helped me be less serious about myself,” notes Dawn. “His sense of humor has gotten us through times of adversity.”
- “We are not saints,” insists Dawn. “We have minor disagreements. But we do communicate and listen to each other’s point of view.”
- “Do you want to know the bottom line?” Christopher asks. “It’s this: My father simply adores my mother.”
At the dinner party, we all lifted our glasses as Dawn and Richard proposed toasts to each other.
Dawn said that for 40 years, through moves, job changes, raising a son and caring for aging parents on both sides, Richard has always supported whatever she wanted to do. She choked up a little as she thanked him.
Richard read a poem by Longfellow. “Into every life, a little rain must fall,” he said as he concluded. “I’ve had rain in my life. But for 40 years, the last thing I’ve seen at night and the first thing I’ve seen in the morning has been Dawn’s beautiful face. So I’ve known that any rain that falls will only be a passing shower.”
At that, we all choked up.
(If you have any marriage tips, please post them here.)
Ogden Nash said it best: To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it, whenever you’re right, shut up.
What a beautiful testament of marriage! While I am not married, I have been blessed to have similar examples of good marriages in my life, especially that of my parents and that of my older sister and her husband. They’ve shown me that marriage is a partnership that involves daily compromise and that faith and commitment to each other are paramount – especially in hard times. My sister and her husband tried to have children for 15 years. While I know they were discouraged during this time, they supported each other unconditionally, and the experience strengthened their marriage despite the constant disappointment. Finally, their doctor told them that it was “impossible” for them to have children naturally. They never lost faith, however, and three months after they were told “impossible” – and 15 years after saying “I do” – my sister found out she was pregnant. They now have two healthy, happy boys: 2 ½-year-old Josiah and 20-month-old Ezra… who are very spoiled by their aunts and grandparents!
What a great love story! My husband David and I are celebrating our 26th anniversary this month. One piece of advice our pastor gave us has stood out in my mind through the years. He said, “Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. You both have to give 100 percent. There will be times when one of you can’t give their all, and it will be up to the other one to carry the load.” Before our ceremony, David was a nervous wreck, and I was calm, cool and collected. When the ceremony arrived, however, I was shaking so badly that David had to help me hold the wedding bouquet steady. It’s been that way ever since. When one of us is weak, the other is strong. It takes true commitment and real partnership. And, a good sense of humor never hurts!
I have been married to my best friend for nearly 28 years and I concur with the Ford’s keys to success. I think the most important factors in a happy marriage are communication, mutual respect and support, friendship and of course being ‘just crazy’ about each other! A good marriage takes work, a little give and take, but the benefits are definitely worth it.
Dawn and Richard are two of the most genuine, upbeat, smart, resourceful, and just downright fun people you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting. What a wonderful tribute to wonderful people! We’re happy to have them as friends and neighbors. — Ranee and Cary
Richard and Dawn are a great couple. They both have a great sense of humor. Oh, the stories I could tell. I love it when they argue; it’s always: “Snookums, I think you’re wrong about that” and “No, dear, I am right about it.” Dawn likes a good party and so does Richard. Richard likes to golf, and Dawn lets him – after he does his honey-dos. One time I called Richard about playing golf, and Dawn answered the phone. “Alan Carmichael! If I tell Richard you are calling, the next sound i will hear will be golf clubs being thrown into the back of the car! He has to finish cleaning out the garage.” We developed a code for golf phone calls, but unfortunately Dawn broke the code. We love them, and Richard and I are working on a new password.
Cynthia,
I loved this post, particularly since I have gotten to know Dawn some. (It is a small world.) In the last few weeks, I have found The Blue Streak and really enjoy reading it. You have an entertaining writing style, and I like the view of Downtown Knoxville life.
Please share more on Rexie’s adventures. Us cat lovers want to know!
Thanks, Bonny – and everyone else who’s posted so far. Dawn told me she is checking in, too. Lots of good thoughts on a successful marriage. (I’ll keep you posted on Rexie. She is a mess, for sure.)
Cynthia was so kind to write such a lovely story about our marriage and I have enjoyed reading the comments. We know many couples with great marriages and Cynthia and Alan are certainly among them. In fact they could offer us all some tips.
Congratulations! Amazing accomplishment…we want your secrets! T & B
About the Author
What You’re Saying
What’s Hot
My Favorite Blogs
Archives